Live From The Starfucks

things to do at Starbucks in LA: pitch at screenplay to someone on your cell phone as loudly as possible, write a screenplay on your computer and read lines to yourself as loudly as possible, talk on your cellphone to your agent/publicist/screenwriting partner and use this line "I'd love (insert name of A-list actor) to be in it, but I hear he/she is (back on the drugs/fat/hard to work for), so let's get (insert name of A-list actor) instead." PS Do this loudly
Yeah, I’d love to tell you I only support small local coffee shops that recycle and make their brews with organically grown beans grown by poor native peoples…but that would be a lie. I frequent the Starbucks. In fact, I wrote my whole novel at Starbucks (buy my book, High Before Homeroom, Simon & Schuster, 2009). I wrote it at a Starbucks in Kentucky, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, New York City, and Arkansas (thank god they finally got one!)
Starbucks is reassuring. It is always the same no matter where you go. Starbucks is the same in Oklahoma as it is in Dublin, you just use a different currency. There is something I love about that stability, especially since I often feel my life is out of control.
Here’s some Starbucks secret lingo: Starbucks wants their clients to consider it their third place. There’s home, work, and Starbucks. Throw “third place” at an Barista sometime and see their reaction.
My favorite Starbucks IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE is a block away from Melrose Place On Crack, right smack in the center of the Hollyhood. I go there at least once a day, usually two or three times. I know all the employees. I know their drama. I knew when one of them got fired,and why, and how everyone felt about it. I am on best behavior when the district manager comes in to visit. I got the call from my agent that my book would published while in my Starbucks. Of course, I screamed. Everyone was so excited. One of my favorite Baristas walked from behind the bar and hugged me. Another Barista, an aspiring musician, said it inspired him to keep going.
Truth be told: I’m in the Starbucks right now.
All my Starbucks friends know about this website and my book. And many of them are aspiring. This is Hollywood, after all.
So I want you to meet them.












ME: So how long you been doing this for?
ME: I smelled it…I was just glad you weren’t just pissing.
ME: Well, at least someone pissed in a bottle and not on the street, that’s good manners I guess…I’m worried you’re gonna fall, but I know you know what you’re doing…hey, look at this fork. We got the craziest shit in our parking lot.

