The Spring 2010, 25th anniversary issue of Boulevard is now avaliable!

With a special music theme, the issue features writers and editors from THE NEW YORKER, SPIN,
ROLLING STONE and JAZZ TIMES.

Other contributors in this issue include award-winning writers such as Albert Goldbarth, Billy Collins, David Kirby, Carl Phillips, David Lehman, Alice Hoffman, Stephen Dixon, Floyd Skloot, Madison Smartt Bell and Marvin Bell. (…and this chick no one has ever heard of named Maya Sloan…and she’s completely thrilled!  Thank you, Richard Burgin!)

PS  The story, “Agape” is about the hardcore fundamentalist youth movement, specifically Christian rock groupies (yeah, they really exist…I’ve actually met them!)…the best part was making up some of those freaky Christian rock lyrics.

Excerpt from Agape:

Page 1:

The day of Pastor Rick’s appointment as head of the Youth Action Group of the Blood of the Lamb First Baptist Church in Duncan, Oklahoma, he looked at us for a long time before he spoke.  The first thing Tiff and I noticed was that he was handsome, and the second thing was the edge of a tattoo peeking from the sleeve of his crisp, button-up shirt.  That was enough to get our attention.  Pastor Rick cleared his throat.  He said, “I have been a sinner and a heathen.  I have ingested mind-altering substances.  I have fornicated with many women.  I have been to jail.  I have hurt other people, hurt myself, and most of all, hurt the Lord with my irresponsible, selfish, misguided actions.  But Jesus never stopped loving me.  He saw it in his ever-loving heart to save me, to call me to the ministry.  He brought me Alicia Jo, my angel, the light of my life.  But mostly, he brought me all the way from Tulsa, gave me this opportunity to lead you guys.  And what I want to know is this.”  He smiled at us.  “What do ya’ll want to talk about?”  Then Robert, the rebel of the group, the guy who wore a Jim Morrison t-shirt on our youth group camping trip, said, his voice low and his eyes focused on the pea-green shag carpet of the Bible study meeting room, “Sex.”

“Okay,” said Pastor Rick.  “Then let’s get to it.”

Excerpt from page 15:

We were so close I could touch the stage.  Our bodies were smushed into the bodies of people next to us, and the lights were so hot I could feel the beads of sweat on my forehead.  Then the lights flickered and I gripped Tiff’s hand and the speakers screeched.  Suddenly Bradley Ranchuck strode across the stage.  He stopped right above me, still as a statue, his guitar hanging by a strap and his arms spread wide to us as if he was Jesus on the cross. Then the music exploded, loud and throbbing.  Bradley whipped his hair across his face, stepped forward, and said, “We are all here for one reason.”  The crowd screamed.  “We are all here for one man.  And his name is Jesus Christ.” The crowd roared and pushed into me from both sides and the back, and Bradley opened his mouth and let free that first note – that perfect, pure, Godly note.  Then he sang:

Raise me up, Jesus
Higher than I could ever go
‘Cause I’m unworthy
With all those things I know
All those things I know
All those things I shouldn’t a done
That touch that burned me deep
You are God’s one and only son
Jesus
Salve this cut that never heals

“Sing with me,” he said, and we raised our arms and all our voices lifted together with the chorus:

I won’t go down with those demons
No way,
I won’t go down with those demons
‘cause I’ve been saved
I won’t go down
I won’t go down
I won’t go down

Update on these guys (see Welcome to Miami):

They are called the Original Iphone DJ’s…and that is all I know.  Like I said…there ain’t ‘nuthin like Miami.

Both my brothers live in Miami, and I don’t get to see them nearly as much as I want (life just gets in the way, I guess, which kinda sucks)…

But I figured I need a vacation, and since it was Greg’s birthday..and he is one of the sweetest, best people I’ve ever known…well, I had to be there!

PS he's a tough f---er and if anyone is mean to me he will kick their ass

And this is what I learned  from my trip – Miami is one of the craziest cities in America.  That place is surreal.  Truth is, it doesn’t even feel like America (or Florida for that matter)…Miami is another dimension…a free-for-all, anything-goes alterna-reality where nobody looks twice at a chick running across a busy street at 8 a.m. in six inch sparkly gold stilettos and a string bikini.

My brother Greg lives in the ultimate Miami apartment building, the Flamingo.  This place is like a hotel/holiday retreat/club…except people actually LIVE THERE.  I mean, there is a liquor store on the first floor.  And it delivers.

This is the view from his porch:

People spend all day around the pool below his balcony sunbathing.  There’s a tiki bar (of course) and weekly parties with DJ’s spinning. And everyone is perfectly tanned and gorgeous.  I mean, disturbingly good-looking. When I wondered why none of them seem to have jobs, I was informed “They are their jobs.”

this is how people work in Miami...seriously, he's "making a deal"

Truth is, most of them are in the food service industry, which is why they have the day off…the service industry is a major employer in Miami…along with, as many will inform you when asked what they do, employment within the “the Import/Export business”…however you choose to take that.

beautiful people at the pool

The pool closes at 2 a.m.  Why I needed to climb the fence to the hot tub at 2:30 is a question I still can’t answer (hypothesis:  probably ’cause I didn’t want to be seen in a bathing suit around all those freaking gorgeous models):

about twenty minutes later I got busted by the security guard and kicked out...when I asked him how many times he catches people having sex in the hotub per night, he said "about four"...and yeah, I myself caught two people having sex in the adjacent hot tub...and no, I myself did not have sex in the hotub... just swimming in there seemed unsanitary enough.

But this free-for-all of gorgeous human specimens is one of the great things about Miami…once you embrace the total narcissism and outlandishness of this city, you start to have a blast…everything (and everyone) in Miami exists their own TV show.  Even eating pizza on Lincoln Road at 4 a.m. is an opportunity to pose:

I mean, even the stores have self-indulgent names:

Other favorite stores: Envy, Envy for Kids, the Me Spa. Sign in the lobby of the Flamingo: South Beach revolves around us.

And this store was my happy place:

And my other happy place:

Yup, Miami is a place where the 90′s never died.  It is a never-ending episode of Miami Vice.  It is all glitter and glitz and synthesized music. There is no such thing as subtlety here.

So, of course, I totally freaking loved it.

Doing my Flashdance in the hallway of a club

Lincoln Road is the center of the action.  People pose at outdoor cafes all day.  Salsa music blares.  The clothing stores are open until midnight, in case you were craving a late night backless Cheetah-print-and-sequins dress.

Seeing a dude swagger down the street – his arms thrown around two prostitutes – is just another Tuesday night:

Of course, I wanted to talk to these working girls so bad.  So I asked them if they agreed the art in this gallery window seemed to be an homage to the female anatomy (only I wasn’t so eloquent in how I said it):

They totally agreed, then hung out with me in a gay bar a block away (with their customer in tow)

Yeah, people are wild in Miami…but I met some pretty cool ones too.  These are the incredibly sweet Greek girls who live next door to my brother and I swear should have their own sitcom called The Greek Girls Next Door:

and my brother had a great party…

I met some of his very cool friends, who actually do have jobs (and are very accomplished – television producers, artists and business people).  That said…they are as wild as everyone else:

and yes, everyone is born knowing how to strike a pose here.

As for this guy, I still don’t know what was going on:

But the best part of the trip was hanging out with my brothers.

I didn’t get to see Chris as much, because he has two young kids (my adorable, perfect little newphews Calder and Caleb)…but I got to go out on his boat with him for an afternoon…and it was, to use my new favorite quote (thank you Jordan), an experience that reached “new levels of radness”:

It was insanely gorgeous:

and, might I add, just the slightest bit terrifying:

Overall:  Best.  Vacation. Ever.

I got a new respect for these guys!

if you find a card on the street that looks like this:

With this written on the back:

…aren’t you, like, pretty much required to make a prank call?

Note:  please excuse my horrific interpretation of a French/Mexican accent…its been years since theatre school.