My parent’s dog, Butch.  He’s a durley – a word coined by Margaret Reynolds (see Trio of Tricks) as (loving) slang for elderly:

Matilda:

You remember that dog who sold t-shirts in Union Square?  Here is the video I posted on May 19th:

And here is the response I got on YouTube:

I gotta say…maybe they are on to something.  Might wanna check it out.  I mean, who knows?

PS  I’m gonna be by for a new t-shirt someday soon.  I’ll be really sad if you aren’t wearing the dog outfit.  But even without it, you’ll always be the dog who sells t-shirts to me.

PS  Did I mention Greg is talented?  He came up with this television show.  It’s inspiring, and I’ll bet some network is gonna pick it up.  It’s that good.  I’m proud.

My brother is one of my best friends.  I’m so lucky to have him.  I just got to see him in Philly (my parents live there), and was reminded how funny, talented and kind he is.

P.S.  He’s single, ladies!  Feel free to send me your bio/pic and I will consider whether you are good enough for him!

Greg and I went out in Philly, and had the best time.  So… you think I’m weird? Meet Greg.  And now picture two Sloan’s out on the scene in Philly.

Dangerous and terrifying?  Yes.  But also kinda AWESOME.

Amongst the “scenes” with which we graced our presence:

a. we crashed a batchlorette party (as soon as he took this picture, Greg, mistaken for a pervert, was forcibly pulled back from the stage…later the owner came up and apologized – he said the security guard was new and didn’t know better – and he gave Greg a free beer)

b.  We met this guy on a motorcycle and his sexy biker chick (they were parked on the sidewalk with the music blaring…and they took requests!)

PS  Greg is a motorcycle expert…he builds ‘em, rides ‘em, can name every single one in a pack speeding by us at 100 MPH.  Once he picked me up in the Bishop McGuinness parking lot after school…just sped in with his bike, right in front of everyone.  I was so cool (for, like, a minute…actually, that was probably my only cool moment in four years of high school)

c. We went to a party (We met these hot girls at a bar, and I acted as wing-woman, like a good sister should…then they invited us to their eighties party.  They all work at FOX in Philadelphia, and they are so fun and sweet)

Then this news broadcaster showed up…he used to do the morning show, now he’s a nightly news guy in Ohio…I mean, you look at him and think cheesy news guy, right?  But he was hilarious…really dark with a sick-ass sense of humor.  And he’s like nine feet tall.  And he overheard me telling greg he must practice witchcraft or bathe in newborn baby blood after I found out how old he was. He thought it was funny. I’ve decided News guys don’t age.

In conclusion (how did this turn into a Freshman English essay?), I had a kickass time with my bro and we partied like it was 1992.  Meaning, we acted like we did in 1992, when we were young enough to actually get away with it. But everyone deserves an immature weekend now and then.

I’m visiting my parents in Philadelphia.  They moved here two years ago. And everytime I visit I am reminded how weird this city is…I lived here for a year myself, in NE Philly (near the Frankfort Street Station), where we’d cruise the boulevard on Saturday playing “who can spot the hookers”…a game everyone ends up winning.  That is a part of Philly, no doubt – total poverty, joblessness, racial tension…there was a bar a block from our house where a cop got shot in the head the year before we moved in.   And yesterday, I overheard a little girl at the Wa-Wa (the Philly 7-11) tell another girl she wanted to “be a crack whore” for Halloween…so Philly can be dangerous and infuriating, there’s a reason they call it Killadelphia (or Filfthadelphia)…

For instance, and I swear this isn’t a joke, I was at this showing of Benjamin Buttons last Christmas Eve:

Annoyed Viewer Shoots Noisy Man in Movie Theater

PHILADELPHIA  —  A family talking during a movie enraged a nearby viewer so badly that he shot the father in the arm, MyFoxPhiladelphia reports.  Philadelphia police say James Joseph Cialella Jr, 29, shot the man after a brief altercation inside the Riverview Movie Theatre.The victim suffered a gunshot wound to his left arm.  Cialella was still inside the theater when police arrived. He was found with a black Kel-Tec .380 handgun on the front of his waist. Police arrested and charged him with attempted murder, aggravated assault, violation of uniform firearms act, possession of an instrument of a crime, simple assault and recklessly endangering another person.

My mom and I were ten feet away.  And now, I can look back and see the humor – I mean, Benjamin Buttons of all movies?  Really?  You wanted to see the end that much? But at the time, it was far from funny.  In fact, I still get nervous in movie theaters.

So Philly can be rough…but, that said…just like so many other cities, despite the faults, Philly can also inspiring and beautiful.

There is a lot of support for the arts here…amazing theater, galleries, and a program that funds murals around the city.  And sometimes they will just shock you.  You turn the corner in a rough neighborhood and there they are, gorgeous and bigger than life:

And in what other major metropoliton area can you stop at a red light, look in the rearview mirror, and see a horse licking the trunk of your car?

If you are a real Philadelphian, you wear your affection for Philly like a badge of honor.  You belong to the city, and it belongs to you…and real Philadelphians a ferociously proud of their home…and underneath their gruffness is a true sense of honor and pride. I mean, this is the birthplace of America!  And where else will you see a homeless guy yelling at people outside the Betsy Ross House?

Anyway, here are a few of my favorite things in Philly.

South Philly is so cool…it has a real sense of community and neighborhood….old Italian couples scream at each other, and people park illegally in the middle of the street (as they have been doing for generations – the parking spots go back that far – don’t try it if you aren’t a native, though).  Not to mention, the Italian food and the best espresso in the world.

The train station…all the historic buildings, really.  The fact that it is the old mixed in with the new in this disconcerting and breathtaking way….

Paddy’s, the bar that “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is based on…where I never fail to meet the coolest and most diverse crowd of people…from factory workers to professional French bicyclists to hilarious, cool-ass lawyers (yeah, cool-ass lawyers exist!  Who knew?)  A place where I was once invited to a underground magic show (literally underground – in the basement. I politely declined), given the opportunity to dance on top of the bar (hell ya I did it), and where people can still smoke inside…

A few blocks away  from Paddy’s is this shirt store (right across from the oldest post office in America)…

this shirt store is catty-corner to another shirt store which is an EXACT REPLICA…as I learned when I was teaching at Philly U, seems these two stores are owned by brothers who were angry about the division of their inheritance…so they opened competing stores..recently one closed, and I was sad, because I had almost convinced my dad to buy a purple suit there (two suits for $200…how great a deal is that?)

The piers, especially Pier 3 by Penn’s Landing:

The view of the river (that’s my dad):

The great young artists and designers, like this cool chick Carrie I met…she studied Urban Design at Cincinnati, and then opened this store in Fishtown called Fabric Horse.  Her stuff is ingenious and earth-friendly:

the fabric horse

And one of the best vintage clothing I’ve ever seen, with the coolest owner (Amanda):

Sazz Vintage Clothing

Something else I love…the people who dress up in Colonial costumes in Olde City and really stay in character.  PS obviously, I didn’t pay enough attention in history class….

And, of course, The Duck Tours:

Needless to say, not everyone likes the duck tours…P.S. how great is my dad’s New York accent?

In fact, Will Smith I (the actor’s dad) is a friend of mine (I know, I’m a name-dropper, but he really is the coolest guy ever…and really talented).  And everyday the Duck Tour goes by his condo twenty or so times and the guy says in the megaphone “Will Smith’s father lives right here, in the condo to the left” which, of course, annoys the shit out of Will Senior.  But he won’t sue, ’cause he’s a good guy.

Duck Tours suck…but everyone can agree on one thing, it is both justifiable and fun to fuck with the duck tours (and now you know where I get my need to bother strangers…apple doesn’t fall far and all that, huh?):