So, at least for a while, I won’t have time to do written blogs.  But we haven’t stopped taking pictures and having crazy experiences (of course!)  So here is a photo-blog of the past few months!

 MAYA’S BIRTHDAY!:

my birthday!

The most amazing boyfriend in the world...somehow finds and gets me a collection of autographed burlesque photos...he found them online in a tiny shop in Massachusetts.

Thomas hangs them up

without a doubt, the best birthday gift I've ever been given...and THE BEST kæreste in the universe! I love you, Thomas! (and I love "my girls")

and what is a birthday without taking out old high school notes Emo and I wrote in Chem Com?! "Oh my god, did you see My So Called Life last night? Jared Leto is HOT."

THOMAS’S DREAM COME TRUE:

we go to the geekiest screening of all time

sneak into the VIP meet and greet on the dock...free wine and a gorgeous view and the "geek elite"

meet lots of uber-fans

And Thomas sees his hero! And no kidding, Thomas's face looked like a six year-old on Christmas morning. And Shatner made the best speech ever, about how we should pretend we were aboard the enterprise and the film was entertainment provided by the Klingons or something totally nerdlicious like that, I didn't quite get it but everyone else seemed to understand and went crazy!

the documentary was pretty hilarious

 MY MOM’S SHOW IN PHILADELPHIA:

My mom on a poster with a gun for her one-woman show at UPenn...how freaking cool is that?

MY PARENT’S NEW NEIGHBORHOOD IN TEXAS:

is on a nature preserve

the deer are everwhere

...just posing for people

THOMAS’S GORGEOUS AND BRILLIANT MUTT VISITS FROM DENMARK:

AND WE GO TO NAWLINS’:

AND MEMPHIS:

making even MORE friends

Stax museum

Thomas at the Soul Train exhibit

Drama Queen

AND BACK IN NYC:

Ina fits in perfectly in NYC! Just another New York evening

We had a blast with Ina, and we miss Danish Mom!

OF COURSE, HALLOWEEN:

Danish Elvis/Okie Bettie Page

More later…for now, I’m kinda tired:

Favorite Danish Artist Pastime: taking pictures of sleeping girlfriend

Thomas adored his grandparents, and the minute I met his grandmother it was obvious why…and it was obvious she adored him too.  The moment she saw him it was like she’d been lit from within.

Unfortunately, she passed away last week at the age of 97.  She’d gotten sick very quickly.  But when I met her last summer, I was immediately struck by her warmth, energy, kindness.   She was incredibly close to her daughter (Thomas’s mom) Ina.  She had a joyful, loving spirit about her.  She was a ball of energy…she still got up at five every morning.  She was very independent and, even though I can’t speak Danish, I could just tell she was as hilarious as the rest of her family.

Helga showed us her town and fed us massive amounts of deserts and gazed lovingly at her grandson…and made fun of Thomas and I when we went to sleep on her floor (she totally called us out…I mean, she was 97 and didn’t need a nap, but we did!).

She visited the grave of her husband every single day.  He was buried in this gorgeous church overlooking the sea. There is something comforting about knowing that now she’ll be near him.

She was charming and vivacious…and it was such a gift for me to meet her.  And I’ll always feel lucky to have had a wonderful day with her.

I wrote about her here.

R.I.P.

Portraits Thomas painted of his grandparents:

Life has been crazy lately…lots of writing projects in process and nearing completion. And some just beginning (crossing fingers!)

And some big opportunity that I can’t talk about here yet…but, if your out there, think good thoughts for me!!!!

More later…for now…VEGAS!

Went with the Dane for Gemma’s wedding (one of my oldest and closest friends) …she and her family came from England.  And I haven’t seen her in SO LONG.  So of course as soon as I saw her I started bawling and used a line she says she’s been hearing FOREVER from me:  “I can’t help it.  I’m an emotional American, okay?”  But she looked gorgeous and I felt like no time had passed and the wedding was really, really lovely.
LOVE YOU GEMMA!

Seeing Vegas with Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming was a TRIP.  Seeing Vegas with a European is a TRIP.  Seeing Vegas with a guy who already sees spaceships in his head on a regular basis…well, that was perfect!

Of course I wanted to stay in a fancy-ass hotel (i.e. Bellagio)…but Thomas was pretty intense we stay in somewhere historic…hence, the one of the first real Vegas hotels, The Flamingo.  Built to be a desert oasis by Bugsy Malone, he’s still buried on the property…and this place is still rat-pack-tastic!  Totally over the top.  I mean, kinda trashy…but that’s the best part. And what really sold us on the place?  THE GO ROOM, complete with pink neon lights:

Hallway to Heavan...

White Vinyl Headboard = CLASS

Another perk…the live flamingos:

And how can you not love a place where they are having a “booty-shaking contest” at 11 am by the pool?  I mean, you wake up all hungover, haven’t even had your coffee…and there are Ohio housewives (nothing against Ohio housewives…these were the Jerry Springer kind) in string bikinis drinking margaritas and shaking their ass…freaking awesome)  You know that shit don’t go down at the Bellagio!

The Flamingo is all about subtlty:

This Elevator Was Pepto-Heaven

The Marie Osmond Showgirl Doll (the creepiest collector's item in existance)

Flamingo Gift Shop

Downtown Vegas is still the best:

the hardworkin' cops of Old Vegas

The oldest casino in Vegas, the Golden Gate:

this was hidden in the back, right by the cafeteria

This dude worked at the Golden Gate for 37 years

Other favorite moments:

this stingray fell IN LOVE with Thomas and stared at him with his freaky fish face for a full two minutes

The Brooklyn Bridge (at NY, NY Casino)

The Stratosphere...Gemma's wedding dinner was on the top

Found this amazing club at the Luxor called “The Cathouse”…it was meant to look like an old-school brothel.  Of course we took advantage of the awesome decorations:

At the top of the Stratosphere

We went to LA… only for one day for a meeting (i.e. secret good wishes)…but we did get to stay in my favorite hotel, where celebrities go when they don’t want anyone to find them, The Biltmore.  I once saw a super-trashed Dennis Rodman hanging out there…he was hiding out while being sued for punching a paparazzi.

The place is OLD SCHOOL.  It was “the hotel”…in the 40′s, at least.

this is where they filmed that part of Pretty in Pink at the prom...y'know the one. Ducky shows up and saves the day.

They have the best pool:

And, of course, we went to my favorite Denny’s ever on Sunset in East Hollywood.  The one frequented by drug dealers and prostitutes (and the people who truly appreciate them…us!)

Q: How to turn your sophisticated European boyfriend into a true American?

A:  Denny’s Sizzlin’ Breakfast Skillet at 4 am

Hence, the greatest picture EVER:

NOTE:  As always, 95.9 % of the pics in this blog were taken by Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of freelance writing work…so I set up a website!  I actually love doing this.  Teaching and consulting keep my own work fresh.

Please spread the word to anyone you know who might need these services and I will give you a finders fee (and by finders fee I mean a coffee at Starbucks…maybe even the new 32 oz “Trenta”!)

But seriously, I do appreciate it!

Love,
Maya

click below:

HEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only is she healed, she looks all glowy and practically renissance-painting-diety-esque…I actually have a twinge of jealousy over that kickass scar.  I mean, it’s so rock ‘n roll and weirdly sexy…take that Williamsburg hipsters with your tats and oversized facial piercings…EMILY JOHNSON IS THE REAL DEAL!!!!!

So many people love you, girl.  And we are so glad you feel better.

So this will be a long one to kinda catch up.  But I’ll try to be concise.  And fail at it.  Oh well.

My life is truly insane.  And the insanity has become comfortable.  And maybe my life – via this blog – sounds incredibly exciting.   Sometimes I wouldn’t trade my existence for anything…but there are many, many difficult times too.  And recently my father sent me an email that simply said this:

Maya:

A short follow up. Creativity can be stressful but it certainly beats the comfort of boredom.

Dad

My dad is a really wise man.

In  “I can call star power” news:  my article about Anna Evans came out in Brown Bunny Magazine (a very cool Italian publication) and Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming took the photos:

Crazy Bitches by Maya Sloan

and yes, this is the picture they opened with.  They are Italian, after all.

And literally the night before, I open Time Out magazine and guess who is featured in the nightclub section:

oh Kayvon and Anna...you guys are really, really odd.

Now a pinch-yourself moment.  Lucinda Williams is one of my favorite musicians of all time, and not just because her brilliant poet father taught at University of Arkansas while I was there…because she is a poet too. And she’s a songwriter who’s been a soundtrack to a lot of good/bad/emotional times in my life.  And I finally got to see her play live!  And I somehow got me and Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming VIP passes (don’t ask don’t tell)!  And yeah, it was one of the best nights of my life.

The crowd:

And then we got to go backstage…her husband/manager introduced us (I know that sounds cheesy – husband/manager - but he wasn’t cheesy at all.  An incredibly cool guy).  And I could hardly talk to her, I was so starstruck.  But I mentioned her dad and started babbling and she just threw her arms around me in a huge embrace.  I  mean, what an amazing woman.

And Thomas asked her to take a picture with me….he knew I wanted one but would never ask myself.  And I said something like, “I feel so weird posing for pictures.  And I swear to god she said right in my ear, “Why, you’re so pretty.”  Then snap.  Which is why I have this crazy expression on my face:

like the average woman, I only feel "pretty" intermittently. but having Lucinda say that to me...well, that was cool.

So that was one of those wonderful moments.  And there was also a super-scary one.  Emily (of Emo Goes Postal) got really sick.  She ended up being in the hospital for several days.  And it was scary as hell…and also kind of mind-blowing, how brave she was and how all her friends and family came together to support her.  And even more…how even in that situation, in a truly ghetto hospital on morphine and in a ton of pain…Emily maintained her humor and warmth and incredibly huge glowing spirit…and I feel so very, very lucky to have her as a best friend.

Emo hearts Oprah

we decorated her room

And yes, she approved the following shot to be on my blog.  In fact, she liked the idea.  And that is another reason I love that crazy ass bitch:

we have all become oddly fond of this bag and have considered the decorating options: bedazzling? Sequins? At the same time, this bag will be gone soon and I know that will be a huge relief. But damn, that girl can work a hospital runway.

Believe me, that hospital will never be the same.  They were so sorry to see her go.  And the medical students would find their way to her room just to hang out.  It was kinda a big old sick party, with lots of morphine and Shasta and hot doctors feeling the need to “check up” on Emily on a frequent basis.  And it was a salon too, because in her doped out state she let me do her makeup and hair and nails.

She’s feel a ton better by the way.  And if anything, I think this reminds all of us how much she means to us…and hopefully reminds Emily how much she is loved.

And more….

Jefferson is close with this fucking awesome Italian artist….and she has this crazy famous piece…sexy mopeds.  I mean, these mopeds are gettin’ it on.

This is her, Daniela Dido.

And she invited us to this very exclusive party:

And the President of Italy was there.  And I’ve never seen so much real Prada in my life or better dressed women.  And I was wearing my H&M discount rack dress and we were totally out place and it didn’t matter…we had a blast. And the whole thing was surreal and great.  And there was lots of free cheese.

And we took a paparazzi shot…long after the paparrazi was gone, of course, since that was the only time we could get near the press station:

And a kickass gift bag.  And of course we closed the place down.

All in all, it has been a wild couple of weeks

But then there are the crazy perks like getting to hang out on a movie set…or having Will tell you that he wants to take you and your boyfriend to a 76er’s game.

Tony and Will in the waiting room

And yes, I had to ask what sport that was.  And yes, my students are probably right…I don’t deserve to go to a game like this and sit on the floor when I don’t even follow basketball…but there you go.  And it was amazing.

We went early because Will was doing an interview with Tony about their book…which everyone who reads seems to love (BUY THE BOOK HERE).  And for those of you who haven’t seen Will’s awesome documentary, made by Tao…you gotta see it!  CLICK HERE.

And seeing all the stuff that goes pre-game on in that massive, gorgeous stadium…surreal.

Here is Will and Tony getting briefed for their interview as we go towards the stadium (and that is me babbling about my “switching” skills in the background…long story, but I will say this…don’t underestimate my switch, Loretta!  I’m good.  I’ve been practicing.  And I learned from the best!)

And here we are entering the stadium.  I was, like, stunned.

Surreal.  That is a word I use a lot to describe my life.  And I love my life, and love how surreal it is, and love Will for being such a good friend to me and not just because he takes me amazing places (which I love too, btw!)

Will and Tony get ready for their interview

We got to watch the players warm up while they did the interview:

Then we got to have dinner in this restaurant overlooking the court:

And then we went to our seats…which were insane!  On the second row…seriously, I thought I might get hit by a basketball…you could see the sweat dripping off the guys faces, we were that close:

the guys coming out for the game

Tony, Will and The Waymor got a shout-out during half-time

Being so close was intense.  You could feel the focus of the players, see their stress as they sat on the sideline…watch the veins throbbing in the coach’s neck.  They were literally a few feet away, and you felt like an active participant in the game…I mean, I know I like to pretend I matter more than I do, but I SWEAR a dude made a slam dunk and then looked right at me.

And of course, when I got the videos uploaded, I saw that Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming had taken extensive video of the half-time show as well:

According to him, they don’t have cheerleaders in Denmark. He says it was some kind of anthropological video. Whatever.

But the thing is… I love this following video. What is going on her head? That’s right. Absolutely NOTHING.  Her eyes are DEAD.

NOTE: Seriously, nothing against cheerleaders. Some are great athletes and these ladies had some pretty edgy moves.. I just dislike this specific cheerleader. She was featured at half-time on the big screen and it was like a blond robot. “I like chocolate ice cream and my favorite dance move is the shimmy!” (insert disturbing cleavage-heavy body shake in camera lens.  And of all the hot multi-cultural ladies there, they chose to feature the blond bimbo, which was so cliched and boring.)

But speaking of far more exciting (and intelligent) ladies…

And I got to sit next to the cutest little girl in the world…she made the whole thing even better by being completely excited…and we got to be giddy crazy cheering chicks together!

This was, without a doubt, one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had…THANK YOU WILL!

Note:  The following clip contains PDA that some might find vomit-inducing in nature. We were doing it for the make-out cam, and didn’t know this was being filmed…but I think it is cute.  We look so happy!

(and she’s a pretty extraordinary artist too, check her out here)

Frantic Femme

that balloon has been up there since Valentine's Day 2010. Crazy.

Katie's flower!

my research board for my next book

Stephan is adorable!

Stephan’s art here

near the end of the night...can you tell?

a.  I met some of my literary heroes.

b.   I made the NY Society page.

c.  Both these things happened while I was dressed as a clown.

And that, my friends, is my life right there…meeting my heroes and making the society page in a clown suit.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happenings for Febuary 8th

visit his website here

He did this amazing reading, and afterwards I waited to get him to sign my book.  And I don’t know what hit me…maybe I was intimidated by his confidence and literary success…but I felt the need to tell him I didn’t like the end of his book. His  great book, by the way, very fresh and completely fearless.

What can I say?  I’m a brat.

And his response…well, he asked me why I felt that way, explained his intentions in ending the book so suddenly (which made sense, actually, though I’m still on the fence) and was incredibly nice.  Feeling awful for being such an obviously jealous bitch ( and one lacking in enough published endings to actually be critiqued by bratty strangers at actual readings), I told him I was a an writer, my book was going out for consideration, etc…and he gave me his email and was really nice and encouraging and actually sent my book to his editor some point soon after (where it was rejected…but damn, what a cool for him to do…and okay in retrospect, ’cause my editor is a rockstar!)

We kept up via infrequent emails for over two years now…he was encouraging of my work and me, and so excited when my book got picked up…and he gave me honest, heartfelt advice about publishing, the literary industry and writing.  And it blew my mind, this renowned author spending time on me!

Charles Bock...a man who is nice to random bratty chicks

And this was not done in a lascivious way (gotta say it, ’cause successful male writers have that stereotype about them)…Charles is a dedicated family man, very much in love with his wife, and was just being nice because – and this is the part that shocked me – there are successful writers out there who are NICE. They are good people.

I mean, not to go off on a tangent here…but we all know writers who have had a lot of success, but they kinda treated other people like shit on the way up…and yeah, they may be good writers, but to me the success is kinda empty and hollow when you’ve been compensating for deep-seated insecurity with ego and cruelty towards others (and guess what?  All writers have deep-seated insecurity…no need to compensate for anything.  Just own it.  I do.)

In Hemingway's case it wasn't his fault...his mother dressed him like a little girl. That would mess anyone up.

And here is someone like Charles who, come to find out, has been encouraging and kind and supportive of other writers for a long, long time (now I know this firsthand from his numerous friends now)…and that opened my eyes and taught me something.  Like I’ve said before…and I mean it…no book award or literary success or wads of money will keep you warm at night or make you feel truly loved.

I got Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming to do that for me!

So when I emailed Charles last, and found out his wife Diana had leukemia…well, I was upset for him. They have a young child, too.  I told him I was there to help in any way I could, but didn’t hear back, which I understood.  Turns out the leukemia went into remission.  Unfortunately, it came back, and months later I got an invite to this:

Fellow Writers To Help Charles Bock with ‘Most Literary Rent Party Ever’

And the truth is, I couldn’t afford a ticket.  They were expensive (as they should be, this was meant to raise money for Diana)…  But I wanted to be there and help.  So I wrote Leigh Newman, one of his friends and the event coordinator (and a very cool person and   author), and offered my services as a clown to entertain the kids.

Leigh at the Literary Rent Party

And she said there wouldn’t be any kids…but they’d still love a clown.  And lord knows I’ve made enough balloons for adults in my time (balloons in a bar = free drinks all night)

And there you go.  The rest is history.

See that guy next to me...that's Sam. Lipysite.

BTW, I haven’t put on a clown suit or done balloon animals in years…and here’s the thing…it was like riding a bike!

This was a truly amazing experience.

Crazy things that happened:

I spent half an hour listening to the awesome band rehearse in the dressing room, having no idea the cute guy playing guitar and singing was one of my favorite writers OF ALL TIME Rick Moody, I mean, I adored him before I even knew I wanted to be a writer myself…

I even went up and made him a balloon – the first of the night – not knowing who the hell he was.

That's Rick Moody in the hat

Of course, when I found out later, Thomas brought him over to meet me ’cause I was starstruck…and Thomas knew I’d never get the nerve to talk to him again (even though he’d seen me put on clown tights and greasepaint in the dressing room )…and so I geeked out on him and he was so cool and took a picture with me…and he made the society pages holding my balloon animal!

I still didn't know who he was

from New York Social Diary...I think that was supposed to be a dog. I'm outta practice.

I made another balloon for rockstar writer Jim Shepard – and discussed the phallic nature of balloon animals in general – without knowing who he was.  Then he did a kickass reading and tore the place apart.  His book is about Iraq vets and has scenes in Ft. Sill (that’s in Oklahoma)…so I worked up the nerve to tell him about my book…which he said he’d like to read…and I just happened to have (Thomas made me bring it, I swear!  I’m so thankful for my deijile boy!)

I made  balloon animal for another dude ALSO not knowing who he was…and he insulted my balloon skills!  And so I told him the least he could do was hold the balloon and give me some advertising…and he said he’d put it up as decoration at the Literary Advice Booth:

…and so I said…what an idiot…oh, you’re a writer?  And he was like, I’m Sam Lipsyte.

And it seems, looking back, I made balloons for lots of bigtime writers (I mean, the place was packed with them) without knowing who they were…

Here I’m making a balloon for this precious little baby…turns out this is Josh Ferris’s kid…love the video because the kid looks completely nonplussed until the last second…wait for it, wait for it…yeah, this is absolutely the child of a writer!

And later I got advice from Amy Hempel (a true rockstar writer) at the Literary Advice Booth…and the crazy thing was she kept letting me ask questions even after 20 minutes…she answered with honesty, then would say, “Let me have another.”

And the stuff she said to me in that conversation – about being a woman and a writer, about making money as a writer, about owning your writing…well, that was stuff I will take to heart and never, ever forget.  Getting that kind of advice from someone as gifted as her…well, what a once in a lifetime experience.

and I actually made her laugh

And I met someone else I have always wanted to meet.  Mary Gaitskill.

It was a surreal, fantastic night…and the best part was that they raised a TON of money for Charles’s wife…and when I went up to him dressed as a clown, and told him I was Maya…his face went from shock to a huge smile.  ”High Before Homeroom!” he said.  And then I got to tell him exactly how much his kindness to me – some unpublished, kinda annoying chick who bugged him after a reading in LA – had meant to me.  And how much his kindness and warmth means to so many people…and how obvious that was if you looked around the room.

And I think that meant something to him…I hope it did, because I meant it.

Thomas took video all night for his wife to see in the hospital and be reminded how much she is adored and loved.

And here is what I learned from that night….writers can be good people too.  There wasn’t a bit of “who are you/what can you do for me/who has more cred/who is more famous?” vibe in there that night…these people were here to support Charles and Diana and their child, and the energy was warm and embracing of everyone.  And seeing that hardcore bigtime writers can come together like that for someone…well, that gave me hope.

But I already knew that.  Here are a list of my friends – truly gifted writers – and people I adore for just being who they are:  Stephen Sanders, Matthew Goldberg, Kodi Scheer, Randa Tantawi, Katie Arnoldi, Zack Karabashliev, Sara Karabashliev, the late E. Lynn Harris, who is always watching out for me…wow, and those are just a few of so many. I’m really, really lucky.

If you want to donate to help Charles’s wife, you can do so here.  He’s such a good guy and the family could use the help.

Enough of all that.  Let me just leave with one last deeply meaningful and deeply literary thought: