But then there are the crazy perks like getting to hang out on a movie set…or having Will tell you that he wants to take you and your boyfriend to a 76er’s game.

Tony and Will in the waiting room

And yes, I had to ask what sport that was.  And yes, my students are probably right…I don’t deserve to go to a game like this and sit on the floor when I don’t even follow basketball…but there you go.  And it was amazing.

We went early because Will was doing an interview with Tony about their book…which everyone who reads seems to love (BUY THE BOOK HERE).  And for those of you who haven’t seen Will’s awesome documentary, made by Tao…you gotta see it!  CLICK HERE.

And seeing all the stuff that goes pre-game on in that massive, gorgeous stadium…surreal.

Here is Will and Tony getting briefed for their interview as we go towards the stadium (and that is me babbling about my “switching” skills in the background…long story, but I will say this…don’t underestimate my switch, Loretta!  I’m good.  I’ve been practicing.  And I learned from the best!)

And here we are entering the stadium.  I was, like, stunned.

Surreal.  That is a word I use a lot to describe my life.  And I love my life, and love how surreal it is, and love Will for being such a good friend to me and not just because he takes me amazing places (which I love too, btw!)

Will and Tony get ready for their interview

We got to watch the players warm up while they did the interview:

Then we got to have dinner in this restaurant overlooking the court:

And then we went to our seats…which were insane!  On the second row…seriously, I thought I might get hit by a basketball…you could see the sweat dripping off the guys faces, we were that close:

the guys coming out for the game

Tony, Will and The Waymor got a shout-out during half-time

Being so close was intense.  You could feel the focus of the players, see their stress as they sat on the sideline…watch the veins throbbing in the coach’s neck.  They were literally a few feet away, and you felt like an active participant in the game…I mean, I know I like to pretend I matter more than I do, but I SWEAR a dude made a slam dunk and then looked right at me.

And of course, when I got the videos uploaded, I saw that Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming had taken extensive video of the half-time show as well:

According to him, they don’t have cheerleaders in Denmark. He says it was some kind of anthropological video. Whatever.

But the thing is… I love this following video. What is going on her head? That’s right. Absolutely NOTHING.  Her eyes are DEAD.

NOTE: Seriously, nothing against cheerleaders. Some are great athletes and these ladies had some pretty edgy moves.. I just dislike this specific cheerleader. She was featured at half-time on the big screen and it was like a blond robot. “I like chocolate ice cream and my favorite dance move is the shimmy!” (insert disturbing cleavage-heavy body shake in camera lens.  And of all the hot multi-cultural ladies there, they chose to feature the blond bimbo, which was so cliched and boring.)

But speaking of far more exciting (and intelligent) ladies…

And I got to sit next to the cutest little girl in the world…she made the whole thing even better by being completely excited…and we got to be giddy crazy cheering chicks together!

This was, without a doubt, one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had…THANK YOU WILL!

Note:  The following clip contains PDA that some might find vomit-inducing in nature. We were doing it for the make-out cam, and didn’t know this was being filmed…but I think it is cute.  We look so happy!

a.  I met some of my literary heroes.

b.   I made the NY Society page.

c.  Both these things happened while I was dressed as a clown.

And that, my friends, is my life right there…meeting my heroes and making the society page in a clown suit.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happenings for Febuary 8th

visit his website here

He did this amazing reading, and afterwards I waited to get him to sign my book.  And I don’t know what hit me…maybe I was intimidated by his confidence and literary success…but I felt the need to tell him I didn’t like the end of his book. His  great book, by the way, very fresh and completely fearless.

What can I say?  I’m a brat.

And his response…well, he asked me why I felt that way, explained his intentions in ending the book so suddenly (which made sense, actually, though I’m still on the fence) and was incredibly nice.  Feeling awful for being such an obviously jealous bitch ( and one lacking in enough published endings to actually be critiqued by bratty strangers at actual readings), I told him I was a an writer, my book was going out for consideration, etc…and he gave me his email and was really nice and encouraging and actually sent my book to his editor some point soon after (where it was rejected…but damn, what a cool for him to do…and okay in retrospect, ’cause my editor is a rockstar!)

We kept up via infrequent emails for over two years now…he was encouraging of my work and me, and so excited when my book got picked up…and he gave me honest, heartfelt advice about publishing, the literary industry and writing.  And it blew my mind, this renowned author spending time on me!

Charles Bock...a man who is nice to random bratty chicks

And this was not done in a lascivious way (gotta say it, ’cause successful male writers have that stereotype about them)…Charles is a dedicated family man, very much in love with his wife, and was just being nice because – and this is the part that shocked me – there are successful writers out there who are NICE. They are good people.

I mean, not to go off on a tangent here…but we all know writers who have had a lot of success, but they kinda treated other people like shit on the way up…and yeah, they may be good writers, but to me the success is kinda empty and hollow when you’ve been compensating for deep-seated insecurity with ego and cruelty towards others (and guess what?  All writers have deep-seated insecurity…no need to compensate for anything.  Just own it.  I do.)

In Hemingway's case it wasn't his fault...his mother dressed him like a little girl. That would mess anyone up.

And here is someone like Charles who, come to find out, has been encouraging and kind and supportive of other writers for a long, long time (now I know this firsthand from his numerous friends now)…and that opened my eyes and taught me something.  Like I’ve said before…and I mean it…no book award or literary success or wads of money will keep you warm at night or make you feel truly loved.

I got Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming to do that for me!

So when I emailed Charles last, and found out his wife Diana had leukemia…well, I was upset for him. They have a young child, too.  I told him I was there to help in any way I could, but didn’t hear back, which I understood.  Turns out the leukemia went into remission.  Unfortunately, it came back, and months later I got an invite to this:

Fellow Writers To Help Charles Bock with ‘Most Literary Rent Party Ever’

And the truth is, I couldn’t afford a ticket.  They were expensive (as they should be, this was meant to raise money for Diana)…  But I wanted to be there and help.  So I wrote Leigh Newman, one of his friends and the event coordinator (and a very cool person and   author), and offered my services as a clown to entertain the kids.

Leigh at the Literary Rent Party

And she said there wouldn’t be any kids…but they’d still love a clown.  And lord knows I’ve made enough balloons for adults in my time (balloons in a bar = free drinks all night)

And there you go.  The rest is history.

See that guy next to me...that's Sam. Lipysite.

BTW, I haven’t put on a clown suit or done balloon animals in years…and here’s the thing…it was like riding a bike!

This was a truly amazing experience.

Crazy things that happened:

I spent half an hour listening to the awesome band rehearse in the dressing room, having no idea the cute guy playing guitar and singing was one of my favorite writers OF ALL TIME Rick Moody, I mean, I adored him before I even knew I wanted to be a writer myself…

I even went up and made him a balloon – the first of the night – not knowing who the hell he was.

That's Rick Moody in the hat

Of course, when I found out later, Thomas brought him over to meet me ’cause I was starstruck…and Thomas knew I’d never get the nerve to talk to him again (even though he’d seen me put on clown tights and greasepaint in the dressing room )…and so I geeked out on him and he was so cool and took a picture with me…and he made the society pages holding my balloon animal!

I still didn't know who he was

from New York Social Diary...I think that was supposed to be a dog. I'm outta practice.

I made another balloon for rockstar writer Jim Shepard – and discussed the phallic nature of balloon animals in general – without knowing who he was.  Then he did a kickass reading and tore the place apart.  His book is about Iraq vets and has scenes in Ft. Sill (that’s in Oklahoma)…so I worked up the nerve to tell him about my book…which he said he’d like to read…and I just happened to have (Thomas made me bring it, I swear!  I’m so thankful for my deijile boy!)

I made  balloon animal for another dude ALSO not knowing who he was…and he insulted my balloon skills!  And so I told him the least he could do was hold the balloon and give me some advertising…and he said he’d put it up as decoration at the Literary Advice Booth:

…and so I said…what an idiot…oh, you’re a writer?  And he was like, I’m Sam Lipsyte.

And it seems, looking back, I made balloons for lots of bigtime writers (I mean, the place was packed with them) without knowing who they were…

Here I’m making a balloon for this precious little baby…turns out this is Josh Ferris’s kid…love the video because the kid looks completely nonplussed until the last second…wait for it, wait for it…yeah, this is absolutely the child of a writer!

And later I got advice from Amy Hempel (a true rockstar writer) at the Literary Advice Booth…and the crazy thing was she kept letting me ask questions even after 20 minutes…she answered with honesty, then would say, “Let me have another.”

And the stuff she said to me in that conversation – about being a woman and a writer, about making money as a writer, about owning your writing…well, that was stuff I will take to heart and never, ever forget.  Getting that kind of advice from someone as gifted as her…well, what a once in a lifetime experience.

and I actually made her laugh

And I met someone else I have always wanted to meet.  Mary Gaitskill.

It was a surreal, fantastic night…and the best part was that they raised a TON of money for Charles’s wife…and when I went up to him dressed as a clown, and told him I was Maya…his face went from shock to a huge smile.  ”High Before Homeroom!” he said.  And then I got to tell him exactly how much his kindness to me – some unpublished, kinda annoying chick who bugged him after a reading in LA – had meant to me.  And how much his kindness and warmth means to so many people…and how obvious that was if you looked around the room.

And I think that meant something to him…I hope it did, because I meant it.

Thomas took video all night for his wife to see in the hospital and be reminded how much she is adored and loved.

And here is what I learned from that night….writers can be good people too.  There wasn’t a bit of “who are you/what can you do for me/who has more cred/who is more famous?” vibe in there that night…these people were here to support Charles and Diana and their child, and the energy was warm and embracing of everyone.  And seeing that hardcore bigtime writers can come together like that for someone…well, that gave me hope.

But I already knew that.  Here are a list of my friends – truly gifted writers – and people I adore for just being who they are:  Stephen Sanders, Matthew Goldberg, Kodi Scheer, Randa Tantawi, Katie Arnoldi, Zack Karabashliev, Sara Karabashliev, the late E. Lynn Harris, who is always watching out for me…wow, and those are just a few of so many. I’m really, really lucky.

If you want to donate to help Charles’s wife, you can do so here.  He’s such a good guy and the family could use the help.

Enough of all that.  Let me just leave with one last deeply meaningful and deeply literary thought:

1. a.  Try and sound “writerly”.
2. b.  Be myself.

Yeah, I chose B.  And yeah, a writer who uses the term “clown fetish” in the first paragraph of their interview?  Literary “star” indeed.  If you use the term “star” ironically, I mean.  

Literary Stars Shine – High Before Homeroom author to read at Faculty Reading

But here’s someone I really think is a star….my deijile boyfriend, Thomas Warming.  He’s got a kickass new blog that links to his website and it talks all about his process and has some of the new projects he’s working one, a few of which I’ve pasted excerpts of below…my man (insert girly sigh) is brilliant.

And did I mention hot?  I’m sure I did at some point.

Look how proud I am

THOMAS WARMING:  THE BLOG

a brief preview:

And in case you were ever curious about the obsession with Uh-Oh, Monkey!, i.e. Uh-Oh Monkey goes to the Jungle Room:

Now, all is finally going to be revealed…Uh-Oh Monkey is, in fact, an iconic toy by legendary Danish designer Kay Bojesen that is being released on the world again through top design company Rosenthal…and monkey is just the beginning of the animal takeover! And it all begins with this book.

Soon there will be a monkey takeover of THE WORLD!!!!!

Monkey is loose...watch your back!

And my Dad has a new book coming out!  With a chapter by my mom!  Read about it here.  And click below to order it!  PS This is only one of a zillion times I’m gonna plug this…damn, my parents and I all have books to hock on Amazon at the same time?  SURREAL. (I’m proud!)

And my good friends, documentarian Tao Nørager and Academy Award Winning editor Wiebe van der Vliet have a facebook fanpage for their amazing documentary about fashion designer Andrew MacKenzie, which will have a  world premiere at the Rotterdam International Film Festival January 31st:

Kristen Melillo contacted me because she wrote a review of HBH for one of her classes at Salem College (she’s a creative writing major, check out some of her stuff, she’s good!):

Will I has a new promo for his book…he’s so cool!

And seriously, it was SURREAL.  I mean, this was the first thing I saw:

This is either ComicCon or a sign of the Apocolypse

The place was packed…it was sold out, too.   But being the awesome kæreste I am, I sweet-talked the people in the Press Room into giving us passes.  And I felt pretty cool, with my undeserved Press Pass…I also felt totally underdressed.

I swear, the whole thing was exhilarating.  Whatever scene you are drawn to…whether it be the classic Superhero or underground comic arts or some obscure  Manga character or (god forbid) you dig on Furries….you’ll feel right at home.  I mean, some people didn’t seem to have a specific character at all…I saw a few slutty nuns and more than one chick wearing a g-string and wig just ‘cause they felt like it…and I loved every minute.

The D&D Room

That's right...the original Hulk

I had so much fun.

Thomas meets one of his favorite comic book artists...my man is such a fanboy. I had no idea the extent of his geekdom until this moment. Look at his face, he's so happy!

And to tell you the truth…there was something really poignant and uplifting about the whole thing.  All these self-proclaimed geeks, many who probably feel out-casted or strange or mocked in the “real world”, find their voice in these fantasy universes.  As a writer I can relate to that…probably more than I’d like to admit. And there really was this great sense of belonging and camaraderie at ComicCon…and, of course, a totally exciting anything-goes quality…and LOTS of hook-ups.  I mean, it was practically a comic book orgy.

When I told this to one of the publishers how great the sense of community was, he agreed, saying “We all know each other within this world.  Unlike the real world, there isn’t judgment here.”  He also told me the reason  people don’t shake hands but do the fist pump greeting – I got it FOUR times – was the common knowledge that  a lot of the geeks at ComicCon “… don’t wash their hands.”  Well, no one is perfect.

So, I admit it…I am officially a Geek.

Grier doesn't take any shit

We had no idea how this whole impromptu book party thing would work out…we just kinda threw it together.  But here’s the thing:  we know the most talented people in the world. And they came.  And they did their thing.  And it was seriously…awe-inspiring.  And wild.

Maybe, since the book is about a boy obsessed with Kerouac, we subconsciously made the whole thing feel like a 1954 beat reading:

However it happened…it was the greatest and most eclectic configuration of people I’ve ever seen.  And they had the best time!

There was Ned and Renee, who organized the whole thing at Ned’s family-run vintage store in Brooklyn, Sunday Love:

This is the best store, run by Ned, his son Scott, and Scott’s girlfriend Grier.  They make a lot of the stuff…we have their crazy, visionary constructions all over our apartment.  And Renee is this whip-smart business lady, with the biggest heart I’ve ever seen.  I mean, this is one freaking talented family.  The other son, Ned Jr., is a model.  And whatever your preconcieved notions about models are – his crew of  model friends are funny, smart and real.

Ned Jr., Scott, Taylor and Friend

And yeah…did I mention they are hot?  Well, they are models.  Not to get all superficial, but having gorgeous people at your book party is kinda cool.

Taylor and Ned modeling shot…yes, they really are in love.

But there’s more…like I said, weirdest and best configuration of people EVER:

Ned, Renee, Tony, Will 1, Loretta, Hot Danish Artist Thomas Warming

One of the best parts of the evening (and emotional, for me) was that Will 1 came from Philly for the party.  I haven’t talked much about Will 1 on this site, mainly because he’s private.  But I guess he’s gotta get over that now, because he’s got a book coming out.  Will Smith 1 is the father of Will Smith the actor (and grandfather of Jaden the Karate Kid)…and once you get to know him, you start to realize exactly WHY his family is so talented and extraordinary – they got it from him.

I met him over a year ago (he lives in a condo near my parents in Philly).  He’s become a kind of surrogate grandfather to me  (I think of him as my black grandaddy).  I helped him with his novel…and now it is getting published!  (check it out here)  More on that later…but his book getting picked up was almost more exciting for me than when I found out my own book was getting published.  He’s one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met, and I’m so blessed to have him in my life…he’s taught me more about being strong than I can possibly explain in a blog.

And I can’t believe he came to my party!

Will and Renee having a deep conversation

And Will brought Tony, his co-author on The Waymor…and Tony played the trumpet!  He is probably one of the best trumpet players in America.

Tony TORE IT UP.

And we had this incredible DJ, Peter Munch (his website).  Also Danish, and completely innovative.  He really feels the crowd and goes with their energy…he did an impromptu mix with Tony.  Later, when the NYPD arrived, he blared “F— the Cops”

I love Danes.

And Will’s lady friend, Loretta, sang.  I’ve been waiting to hear her live for AGES.  Her voice is gorgeous.  Really, she took that rowdy, semi-drunken crowd and shut them up instantly.  Nobody wanted to miss a note.

And then we had these  burlesque performers who pretty much donated their time (they usually make real money for this)…and they were INCREDIBLE.

This is the sexy and hilarious Kat Mandu.  Be her fan on Facebook:

And the adorable and alluring Anja Keister, which you pronounce “On Your Keister”.  Here is her Facebook :

PS, this photo by Dale Rio, the bestest burlesque photog in America...I WILL meet you in person, Dale!

Here they are in action…but honestly, you gotta see ‘em LIVE!

i love the look on Munch's face

And Emily Johnson (see Emo Goes Postal) acted as the “kitten” (the woman who picks up all the clothes between sets). And she is the only Kitten I’ve ever seen who was a) wearing a fanny pack and b) can make a fanny pack look hot.

Gorgeous ladies: Beth, Emily, Golbie

And we had David, a great stand up comedian:

And yeah, I actually read from the book too.  Of course I made a sappy, sappy, heartfelt speech beforehand that essentially came down to this:  I love Thomas Warming.  Then I did a short reading, and  Thomas backed me up on the guitar, and I made Will sit behind me so I wouldn’t see his face when I said the dirty words (he is my grandad, after all).

And then we went kinda crazy, until the cops came.  Actually, everyone kept going crazy inside, and I went out to shoot photos.  They took the IDs of these poor people for “public drinking” (meaning out of plastic cups):

Sure, they were pissed. But they played it up a bit for my photo.

Then the cops proceeded to make them wait for an hour while they sat around in their NYPD van and chatted with locals and flirted with chicks:

PS  The one undercover cop looked like any other club-kid guy, with his cheesy ass Ed Hardy shirt.  And he loved being like, “‘Yo, dudes!” then flashing his badge at the drinkers to freak ‘em out.  I mean, C’MON.  No offense to Brooklyn’s finest…and I DO respect cops…but this was ridiculous.  They made these people wait for an hour, then left, FORGETTING to give them back their ID’s.  Seriously, some of the craziest (ie illegal) shit goes down in this neighborhood…so this was ridiculous.  But then again, kinda cool to get a BOOK READING busted, what can I say?

Then we spent the rest of the evening dancing, drinking, etc.  And the wonderful Manuel Arjona took pictures…he does this professionally, and donated his time out of the goodness of his heart.  And the pictures rock:

[Show as slideshow]

12►

Overall, it was one of the best nights of my life.  Not kidding.  I felt surrounded by so many people I love and adore.  New friends (Renee, Peter, Liat) and ones I haven’t seen in ages (Allen!!!!!).  And to all the people who made this happen and donated their talent, time and energy….THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH.

And everyone author should get to make out with their amazing Danish boyfriend while signing books:

Also cool…we were late, and this dude was standing outside the Happy Endings Lounge where they do the reading series (which, by the way, is marked with a Chinese restaurant sign – totally confusing)…we started to talk to him, and I realized it was Arthur Nersesian, who wrote The Fuck Up, which is a great book.  He was in the process of editing his new novel down for the reading (using a pencil, so cute). He was down-to-earth and cool, and even gave me a shout-out before he read, which was, of course, completely thrilling to me.

yeah, I'm that big a dork...I asked for a fan pic. what can I say? writers are rockstars to me.

Then there was a surreal moment when we took a picture – Katie, Arthur and me in the middle – and I thought, wow, I’m here with two writers I admire.  Then Katie said, “Now we got a picture of three writers!” and I realized, whoa, I guess they consider me a WRITER too.

Freaky.

Here’s the thing about reviews…well, since I’ve never had a book, I’ve never gotten book reviews before.  And here’s what I learned from the experience so far…if these are any indication of things to come…some people are gonna like my book. And some people are gonna really, really hate it.

And I’ve decided… I’m just glad people are reading it at all. And I’ve got other books to write.  Lots of ‘em.  And people might like those too…or hate ‘em.  So there you go.

Once you figure that out…well….the whole thing is kind of funny.

Masterfully written with some brilliant bits of humor, it is the story of Doug Schaffer, a sixteen-year-old boy in love who decides to become a meth addict to win the heart of a girl who is attracted to edgy boys. His brother who everyone, especially his mother, thinks is perfect is serving in Iraq. His father abandoned the family and moved to Mexico with his mistress. It yanks the reader in with a surefire hook to begin with, keeps the suspense up as one comes to care for Doug and what will happen to him, and resolves gracefully. The explicit sexual content and raw language will dissuade some readers.

Then she posted this on her Twitter a few days ago:

genrelibrarian‎: Have I mentioned my community is conservative? Mom of 18 year old went ballistic over HIGH BEFORE HOMEROOM. #bistrobookclub*

*The Dane’s response:  ”What’s ballistic?  I mean, it sounds like a good thing.”  Have I mentioned I heart my Danish boyfriend!

SIMON & SCHUSTER