Ashton, 3 a.m.
(Ashton comes home after a long day of work, ie 3 am, I’m smoking on the porch. He lets me tape our conversation)
Maya: So what did you do today…
Ashton: I had a meeting with Apple, the stylist from Black Eyed Peas, had a meeting with Shoshanna Bean from Wicked…
Maya: You do cool shit.
Ashton: I don’t know what’s cool…I mean, that’s work for me. I shipped out orders for an online store. Designed a new capelet for my collection…
Maya: And what about that reality show, did you win it or not?
(DELETED FOR LEGAL PURPOSES, I DON’T WANNA GET SUED)
(Elvis the cat walks by)
Maya: I’m gonna do a whole section of my website for the cats…Oreo’s totally gonna have his own show…what is the deal with Oreo? It’s gonna be about cats of the complex.
Ashton: All three hundred of them?
Maya: Like that cat that appears sometimes…and I don’t know who it is…
Ashton: Oreo is a filthy fucking feline. It shits in my room. (Note: Elvis belongs to Jame’s roommate Ray, a dancer)
Maya: Its an outdoor cat.
Ashton: That’s why I get so angry…I say, if it shits in my room one more time, I’m gonna kill it.
Maya: It has so much attitude too.
Ashton: Ray plays with it’s balls.
Me: NO! No wonder it’s so fucked up.
Ashton: It’s a little traumatized…
Me: It’s an abused cat.
Ray plays vollyball in the parking lot- he doesn't LOOK like a sexual predator
Ashton: It’s a sexually abused cat….it likes it. It’s toes get all curled up.
Me: Oreo is sexually abused…(pointing to Elvis, who is staring at us with intensity)…but that cat needs to be put down. That cat needs to be put outta it’s misery. It got hit by a car.
Ashton: No it didn’t!
Me: Yes, he’s like, it’s not its fault…it got hit by a car in the face, that’s why its face is all smashed up.
Ashton: Awesome!
Me: That cat is creepy. I’ll hear a meow, and look out, and it will just be standing there staring at my door…
Ashton: That why it’s face has tire tracks, and it’s lip is all pushed up, and it’s like (makes funny face) hi guys!
Me: It’s sad.
(note: Elvis also sneezes. For hours. He gets snot all over his face. I feel bad for him.)
Ashton: Aw shit, now I feel more sympathetic.
Me: You feel bad, right?
Ashton: I feel bad for anyone that lives there (referring to the condo inhabited by Elvis’s owners) I mean, that whole house…I’m like, when did I move into TJ Maxx?
Me: I should take a picture of it everyday. As it changes.
Ashton: Progression.
Me: Like, I’ll throw shit away, and the next day the shit’ll be out there…it’s like modern art.
Ashton: Great. I love that I get shit for being…whatever. Homosexual. And (LANDLORD) hates me. And they got a whole family living in there, with, like, a yard sale everyday. I’m just glad (LANDLORD) hasn’t been around for seven months.
Me: He’s alive, though….
Ashton: He’s hiding. People are just looking for him to sue him.
Me: You think? That mean I don’t have to pay rent?
Ashton: Like the girls who used to live here, they’re suing him…he’s in hiding…
Me: I want to know about the drug place…
(Note: Since this interview, the drug establishment across the street was busted. Big scene, but I missed it ’cause I was at Starfucks)
Ashton: You have no idea the shit that goes on on this block…I could tell you stories…no one’s gonna do shit, unless someone dies…I mean, that’s every block around here…and that one store (a store near our house - name deleted for legal purposes)….
Me: They sell, like, three kinds of cigarettes. And, like, rims. A mini iron. (I actually contemplated purchasing this)
Ashton: Just like shit from the house they bring in. You want an iron? You want a matchbook to go with it? I mean, who are they fooling?
Me: I was fooled.
Ashton: I was like “really?” It’s three in the morning and your still selling cigarettes?
Me: I love it.
Ashton: Get the fuck out of here. You know Ray almost got stabbed three months ago…
Me: Here?
Ashton: HERE. In front of the house. Someone chased him with a knife…I swear to god. I was so mad at him.
Me: Did you know the guy?
Ashton: NO! Actually, the night of Jame’s makeup show….I was like, where the fuck are you? I was so mad at him…I was like, your supposed to be here hours ago and he wasn’t answering his phone, and I was like, what a dick…and then he gets there, like, wicked late…and he’s like, someone tried to stab me on the block! And I’m like, what? And I started to laugh, and then I’m like, really? And he’s like, someone walked up to me with a knife and tried to stab me and I had to run and they chased me to the car.
Me: Are you kidding? That scares the shit out of me….like, I feel like were protected ‘cause we got that fucking gate…
Ashton: Are you kidding? I jump that gate everyday…I jump that gate literally, I mean, I was gonna jump it right now till I saw you…or you just walk by that wall…see how its half iron/half cement…you just step onto it and jump over…so easy. I do it everyday.
Me: That scares the shit out of me.
Ashton: There’s no protection here.
Me: Will you take some pictures of me on my pole?
Ashton: I’ll take pictures of you riding the pole. (laughter)
Me: Will you? Like upside down and everything. ‘Cause I tried to get Nathan to do it and he can’t capture the moment…
Ashton: I know how to capture the moment.
Me: Cause I’m coming outta the closet about my pole dancing on my website.
(Sorry, Mari Mari, just not ready to post the pictures quite yet)
