AJ and Puff Daddy
Puff Daddy
AJ
I met AJ and Puff Daddy my first week in LA outside the Starbucks. AJ isn’t his real name. He picked it for this website. He picked Puff Daddy for this website as well. AJ added that he hopes P. Diddy won’t get pissed. I told him I doubt P. Diddy will be reading my website, ’cause he’s probably on his private yacht drinking Sangria with a bunch of hot bitches in bikinis.
AJ is no bullshit, and honest in a way most people are afraid to be. He’s seen the darkest parts of life, stuff I can’t even comprehend, but he still wakes up in the morning and wants to keep going. He keeps going for Puff Daddy.
Puff Daddy is quieter than AJ. He speaks rarely, and his eyes rarely stray from AJ.
Around February, AJ and Puff Daddy disappeared for several months. I was worried about them.
When I saw them again, I told them about my book getting published (High Before Homeroom, Simon & Schuster, July 2010). They were really excited for me about the book. I told them that I was doing a website about my neighborhood, and they let me tape record an interview with them, which made me feel really cool, like an actual journalist or something.
NOTE: I am not a trained journalist. Obviously. Though I do read lots of magazines. Mostly fashion and gossip ones, but still.
Maya talks to AJ and Puff Daddy:
ME: Blah, blah,blah, my book, blah blah blah, website… So it’s about cool people I like. In the neighborhood. I’m just recording…you can say anything. You can tell me what’s up.
AJ: What’s up? What would you like to know?
ME: You look really good, by the way. It makes me really happy. I got a new camera too. I don’t know how to use it yet…
AJ: You need to learn to use it, girl.
ME: I know, I’m not technological at all. So, you got your settlement?
AJ: Yeah, and I got the new chair after I got out of the hospital…we are gonna move around here, probably in the next year…
ME: Where have you been staying since I saw you?
AJ: You know where Beverly and Vermont is? That’s where we are.
Me: Are you going to look at places around here? Like in the neighborhood? Hold on, let me take a picture. You guys are so cute together…(to Puff Daddy) I got the cutest picture of you.
PUFF: No….
ME: Yeah, look at this:
AJ: Oh, look at him. When he smiles he’s perfect. I don’t take good pictures.
ME: I’ll bet you do. Hold on…you gotta smile, though!
i am obsessed with my new camera
ME: Look at that!
AJ: (looking at photo) It’s okay.
ME: (in my best Oklahoma-white-girl-impression-of-stereotypical-sassy-black-chick) You know you look good.
AJ: Oh, man, my body has been through so much. I had pneumonia and it about killed me…going to the hospital twice and I lost a lot of weight…
ME: I think you look great…
AJ: I’m having an allergic reaction, I think, to some of the medication I’m on…
ME: I can’t tell.
AJ: Well, when you saw me the last time I think I was back on the bottle…in a drunken state.
ME: Really?
AJ: Well, that was my thing, y’know? Alcohol. That is my thing. I got it from my parents. I spent most of my adult life…it got to the point of either I quit or I die…you got to be ready to quit. If you’re not ready to quit, you’re not going to….once you get it in your mouth, it’s all over. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was born. I had prenatal alcohol syndrome…I guess I’m lucky.
ME: You guys are lucky ‘cause you have each other.
PUFF: Yeah. Four years. We just had our four-year anniversary.
ME: You know, I always dreamed of having a book published. And now that I’m getting one I realize…at the end of the day, the people you love are what matters…(wow, deep huh? But sometimes sentimentality and cheesiness says it best. I notice Puff Daddy’s tongue ring during my narcissistic rambling and get distracted) Whoa! I haven’t seen that!
AJ: He’s got an earring in his ear too…
ME: Wow. Pretty hot.
AJ: Have you seen Wolverine?
ME: No. Hugh Jackman is pretty hot.
AJ: The guy who plays his brother on there is pretty hot too.
ME: They say he’s (Jackman) straight. But I don’t know. He’s a little too hot. I don’t know
AJ: He can go straight…to my bedroom! (laughter)
ME: He can go straight to my bedroom too!
AJ: Very good-looking guy.
ME: So I’m getting a tattoo (I told you I’m A.D.D.elicious!) I’m pretty wimpy.
AJ: No, it only hurts for a minute. Then it doesn’t.
ME: I don’t know. I’m a chick.
AJ: Chicks are stronger than men. I mean, you guys are equipped to have babies.
ME: (to new, kinda creepy guy who has been ignoring us) Hey, we haven’t met…who are you? Can I take your pic?
he's totally got that bad-boy thing goin' on. if i was sixteen, i'd be drooling.
AJ: He’s at the shelter with us. Remember we were at that old shelter? We moved to a new shelter.
ME: Is it nicer?
AJ: Yeah, it’s nicer…
ME: You said there were some real bitches at the old one.
AJ: Yeah, well, there are some bitches at the new one too…but it’s better. You got your own private room. Your own bed. I can go into his room, he can go into my room.
ME: Can you sleep in the same room?
AJ: It is against the rules, but we could probably get away with it. If Carol was working, we could probably get away with it. Carol is a transsexual.
SEXY BAD BOY GUY: Transgendered.
AJ: Transgendered. She’s about 6’4. She weighs about 300 pounds. Arms that big. She will kick your ass if you fuck with her. We’ve seen her lift up a garbage bag of stuff that couldn’t be lifted by three men, she picked it up and tossed it like….she’s the only one that everyone really likes there…she’s not two-faced like a lot of the workers there. But we don’t have to follow the rules. Him and I have been there the longest…when it comes down to it, we get away with murder.
ME: I can see that. I’d rather have you guys on my side.
AJ: We get along with everyone…but, like, when it comes to smoking cigarettes, you can’t smoke at night…and I can go out at two in the morning if I want…yeah.
Me: (to new guy) How about you?
(new guy just smirks in sexy/bad-boy way)
AJ: No, not him. He hasn’t been there long enough. But there are some crazies there…drug addicts…
Me: Yeah, there’s a drug house on my street. People are there all hours of the night, flashers on, waiting…(NOTE: this is total conjecture. I don’t know if it is really a drug house. I’m a writer after all. I got a big imagination.)
AJ: And you’re waiting for the house to blow up.
ME: Exactly! (laughter)
AJ: Well, one of these days it will probably blow up.
ME: And the police MUST know about it. I want them to bust it.
AJ: Well, that’s the source of their arrests. You get people coming out of there.
ME: Yeah, but I’m not gonna say anything. But sometimes, we wake up in the morning or late at night, and the helicopter will be going right over our apartment.
AJ: It’s EVERYWHERE. It’s dangerous. This guy at the shelter got arrested. He was walking around with a plastic Uzi and it had sound effects like a real gun…and he left the center, and by the time he went around the corner there were three helicopters, nine police cars…he was pushed down on the ground.
ME: Well, who walks around with a fake Uzi?
AJ: I KNOW. We said, you’re not gonna make it off the property with that, and he knew…he’s not allowed in Hollywood. That’s how bad it is. This was a very bad choice. He found it in the dumpster. We told him, you’re not gonna make it around the corner with that. And he was wielding it as he walked around the street…and they had helicopters shining their light on him…and not only ONCE did he do this, he did it TWICE. He’s an idiot.
ME: Or crazy.
AJ: He’s psychotic. He gets a nut check every few days.
ME: I want a nut check.
AJ: I gotta go get my nut check on June 11th.
ME: How do I work that?
AJ: EASY. Just tell them that your voices told you to come in.
ME: Where do I go and say that?
AJ: Social security office.
ME: I’m gonna do that. I’m gonna dress like a Star Wars character and go in there…(totally ripped this off from 30 Rock. Great show, by the way)
AJ: If you dress like Princess Leia, they probably won’t give you the check…’cause that’s pretty normal around here. Just look really nice, find a mental health doctor and have them sign off. That’s how a lot of people make it here…people on the streets got to have some income, so they use their mental health status to get it…you get it pretty quick. Tell ‘em the voices told you to come. Just go and tell ‘em you’re nuts.
(there is a long pause while I seriously consider this option)
